On Perfectionism and Bullet Points
I am a sanguine by nature. Which means I adore the start of something… but follow through is rather tricky (read: painfully difficult). Big picture? Heck yes! Details? Um… not so much. So you can imagine the challenges associated with self-publishing my first book. There is soooooo much to-do. Too much, quite frankly, and it’s easy for me to feel completely overwhelmed, flustered, and mad at the entire world.
Because, while I’m a sanguine, I’m also a recovering perfectionist, and I hate feeling inadequate or incompetent. So many times, I have abandoned projects mid-way or not-even-mid-way instead of inhaling deeply, opening my mind, and learning whatever it is I don’t know. But I refuse to give up on self-publishing. I truly believe God has nudged me in this direction, and if I believe the Bible, then I believe He’s prepared me for the good works He’s set before me.
So I asked Him about this whole thing. I mean, after a few days of snapping at your husband–and anyone else in the general vicinity–you eventually have to face the anger (read: masked fear) and dig it out. I told Him about how afraid I felt and overwhelmed, and how wouldn’t it be okay if I just didn’t do this? Wouldn’t He love me the same? Well, of course He would. But He also reminded me that self-publishing is His best for me (and others) right now. So yeah, there’s that.
He nudged me to make a master to-do list. I didn’t need to actually do anything on the list, I just needed to spill on paper all the things that were spinning through my head. Two days ago, I made that list, complete with bullet points. This is no small thing for a sanguine. And while the fear isn’t entirely gone, it’s more like a hapless dwarf than an imposing giant at the moment. Because I don’t have to do everything on the list right now. I can grab a bullet point here and there, and tackle them individually. I know this isn’t a particularly radical discovery, but it’s made an impact for me this week… So I wonder… What things are impacting your artistic life this week?