I separate my life into compartments. This is me as an artist, this is me as a wife, me as a worker drone, me as a Christian. In my head these roles are not cohesive. I see myself as separate parts. I don’t bring myself to these roles, I try to remold myself to fit into these roles. Of course, when I hop back and forth between four or five different roles in a day, the remolding process gets pretty overwhelming and complicated.
And then I am surprised by how burned out and disjointed I feel.
God’s been speaking to me about this. Why am I so afraid the whole me isn’t good enough to show up? And how can I give 100% to the roles God has placed in my life if the whole me never shows up? Four years ago I didn’t see any relationship between my work as an artist and all the other roles I played. But today, as I sit crying over a book called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, I finally understood something.
God + Heather = Healthy Heather
Healthy Heather = Productive, Happy Writer (and wife, and Christian, and employee)
God was something I used to fit in when I had time. Time with God took away from time cleaning the house, writing my book, making money. So I didn’t spend much time with Him. But after hitting rock bottom four years ago, time with God became necessity. He was my air. He was my way out.
I still catch myself thinking, “I’ve got too much to do today, I’ll spend time with God later.” And then I have to stop and say, “Heather do you remember what happens after you spend time with God?”
Have you heard the Bible stories where the five loaves and two fishes turn into enough to feed five thousand people? Ok, I don’t end up with 5,000 hours in my day, but usually, after time with God, my days become so much more productive. I have better writing sessions, I become a laundry-cleaning machine, and when my husband gets home, my heart can go still and focus on him.
Please hear me. I do NOT believe in any kind of Christian/religious formula (i.e. if I do this God will do this.) I simply believe that I have stumbled into the greatest relationship of all time. Time with God changes me. It molds me into who I was created to be all along. And that person is more than able to fulfill the roles placed in my life.
How does God show up in your daily life? Does He speak to you? Do you speak to Him? Do you think He notices or cares about your work? Does God play any kind of a role in your art?