I started threading God into my life with serious intentionality several years ago. His voice in my life flipped me upside down in the best way possible. And I’m trying to live my life, ever since, in a way that thanks him for his life-saving intervention. But lately I’ve found that the thread binding him and me together is messing with my greatest self-preservation tool: my independence.
I use my independence to hide my weaknesses, fears, pain, ect. I’ve got a white-knuckled grip on independence. It’s my safety. I think God has a sense of humor. I think it’s a touch on the dark side, because lately, he’s allowed life to poke me in my weak spots. And by sheer, terrified faith I have been loosing my white-knuckled grip on independence one finger at a time. I’ve got about four and a half fingers left to go but it’s progress.
My writing is something I love, something I’m very passionate about, but I have an immense amount of fear, pain, and weakness associated with writing. (I’ve got so many hang ups I literally ran from writing for five years.) But God has called me to write fulltime.
I’m weak. I’m scared. I’m under qualified and I know it. But He is strength, he is peace, he knows what I need to learn, and he knows what I need to write.
So before I start a full day of writing, here’s what I will say to myself when I feel afraid: God has not left me alone with a task. He is beside me and thrilled to help if and when I ask.
What do you do when you feel fear?