white-knuckled grip

heatherI started threading God into my life with serious intentionality several years ago.  His voice in my life flipped me upside down in the best way possible.  And I’m trying to live my life, ever since, in a way that thanks him for his life-saving intervention.  But lately I’ve found that the thread binding him and me together is messing with my greatest self-preservation tool: my independence.

I use my independence to hide my weaknesses, fears, pain, ect.  I’ve got a white-knuckled grip on independence.  It’s my safety.  I think God has a sense of humor.  I think it’s a touch on the dark side, because lately, he’s allowed life to poke me in my weak spots. And by sheer, terrified faith I have been loosing my white-knuckled grip on independence one finger at a time.  I’ve got about four and a half fingers left to go but it’s progress.

My writing is something I love, something I’m very passionate about, but I have an immense amount of fear, pain, and weakness associated with writing. (I’ve got so many hang ups I literally ran from writing for five years.)  But God has called me to write fulltime.

I’m weak.  I’m scared.  I’m under qualified and I know it.  But He is strength, he is peace, he knows what I need to learn, and he knows what I need to write.

So before I start a full day of writing, here’s what I will say to myself when I feel afraid:  God has not left me alone with a task.  He is beside me and thrilled to help if and when I ask.

What do you do when you feel fear?


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3 thoughts on “white-knuckled grip

  1. Tracy Hyde on said:

    Heather –
    Thank you so much for writing this post. I really needed the reminder this morning!! Lately, I’ve been dealing with fear by procrastinating and moping around. But that is unnecessary, because “God has not left me alone with a task.” Thank you again for the awesome reminder that He is strength, He is peace. His strength and peace is more than enough to overcome my tasks today. Thanks for the encouragement! I hope your day is excellent!! 🙂

  2. Thank you Heather for pouring out your heart. I remember Philippians 4:13; I can do all things through Him (Christ) who strengthens me. Now, do I always remember that verse right away and act on it or do I have to be reminded that Christ is my source, my strength, and my ability to conquer all the fears that come our way day in and day out. Lord thank you for loving us enough to remind us who we are in Christ! Thanks for your inspirational post. I really am uplifted my reading them.

  3. sammiebennett on said:

    Heather Lou, this is so beautiful and so encouraging. Thank you for being so honest about your struggle with independence and such. This so hits home for me today. Seriously. Realizing how much of my anxiety is caused by the tension of trusting God or trusting myself. Love you so!

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