Archive for the tag “pain”

the richness of lives undone

This is one part of a mini series about love:

“Love is a choice,” one sage soul said to me before I got married. I was too polite to argue with her but I knew, in the glowing light of my affection for my fiancé, that love wasn’t a choice. It was a magical feeling that would transform my life. How unromantic to choose to love! Love was blossoms and golden sunlight and all kindness. Love made life bearable.

I’ve been married for seven years and that one line of advice is literally the only one I can remember out of hundreds of well meaning words from other people. I never expected to write about love on this blog but God has been pressing his fingers into my heart and love is the topic of the hour.

Seven years. It’s almost ironic that this biblical number has become such a significant mark in the life of my marriage. I am no longer the woman I was on that blue-sky, October day, walking down the stone path in my wedding dress. He is no longer the waiting man in the black tux and tie. Today when our fingers touch there is more in that moment than simple maturing that comes with years. There is a knowing.

We are, and are still becoming, lives undone.

Seven years of being undone, to be precise. Seven hard years to redemption. In that space pain, disillusionment, anger, confusion, hopelessness, squirmed into every crack and cranny. Truthfully, I, the girl who dreamed of romance turned bitter. I stopped reading about love. I stopped watching sweet movies with happy endings. I pasted my lips into a tight line in front of young lovers. And I asked God why he would strap me into a lifelong commitment full of disappointment. I blamed my predicament on my husband, on my brokenness, on God. I saw love, life itself, as a fight. I was the weary soldier. And I was alone.

But God was present. He didn’t speak in shouts. That’s not what I needed. He didn’t cut long, unrelenting lines of truth in my soul. That’s not the way of love. He asked for surrender.

I want your heart, the Great Love whispered to me. He whispered this line over and over through those seven years. What I didn’t understand was that love could not begin until it began with Him.

I’d love to hear from you! Do you believe your heart is central to you and how you live your life or is it more superfluous? Do you trust your heart or believe it’s dangerous? Do you let anyone near your heart or do you hide it away?

Stay tuned for part 2…


Trailing Beauty

I crave beauty. A brilliant sky. A yellow scarf. My child’s flushed face. These beauties stir me, and I hold them, replaying the image throughout my day. But beauty sinks deeper than baby skin and colors, of course. Moments are beautiful. People are beautiful. And oh-my our Creator is beautiful.

When I look at my life, and the freeing work He has done, I see trails of His beauty. Peace traded in for fear. Intimacy for distance. And warmth for iciness. The art that sticks with me, really nestles in deep, is the work that trails to this Beauty. In the dark, there is that flicker. In the quiet, there is that whisper. And in the struggle, beauty.

Because God is near the brokenhearted.

I love art that explores the broken. It doesn’t shy away from despair or pretend our world is someplace other than it is. But even in the scorched, beaten soil, the artist paints a sprout of green. This is so true of life. And I like art that reveals the very present Beauty here for all.

What about you? Do you search for beauty in art? Do you see God’s hand when you spot it?

Much love,


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