Archive for the tag “war”

thrum, thrumming heart

IMG_0404The steady thrum of my heart has suddenly gained greater importance. It does more than just keeping my toes warm and my brain humming. It’s a reminder that my spiritual heart (the core of my soul) is vitally important in my ability to connect to God, live out my calling, and show others the way to great freedom and the Freedom Giver.

Understand, I am not defining ‘heart’ as the emotional roller coaster that culture portrays it to be. I’m using the word heart to define the core of who I am. “My heart is me. The real me. Your heart is you. The deepest, truest you. That is why the heart is central, for what shall we do if we dismiss our self?” John Eldridge, Waking the Dead.

I’ve noticed the more in touch I am with my core, the more I come to know God for who He truly is, and the emotions that used to rule me, are now more like indicators of where I need God to come in and shed light.

I’ve been fighting to get back in touch with my heart. It’s there where God and I do the most work, where I feel most alive, and paradoxically most safe. But it’s also where I hold the deepest hurts and where I am fighting the darkest lies.

“It is simply diabolical, despicable, downright evil that the heart should be so misunderstood, maligned, feared, and dismissed. But there is our clue again. The war we are in would explain so great a loss. This is the last thing the Enemy wants you to know. His plan from the beginning was to assault the heart, just as the Wicked Witch did to the Tin Woodman. Make them so busy, they ignore the heart. Wound them so deeply, they don’t want a heart. Twist their theology, so they despise the heart. Take away their courage. Destroy their creativity. Make intimacy with God impossible for them.”

“Of course your heart would be the object of a great and fierce battle. It is your most precious possession. Without your heart you cannot have God. Without your heart you cannot have love. Without your heart you cannot have faith. Without your heart you cannot find the work that you were meant to do. In other words, without your heart you cannot have life.” John Eldridge, Waking the Dead.

Do you shy away from the word heart? Does it sound hokey, simple, silly, too intimate, weak, scary? I’ve felt that way for a long time. Still do more times than not.

I’d love to hear your thoughts… do you try to silence your heart, why? Are you trying to get in touch with your heart, why?

My challenge to you and myself—investigate the role God designed the heart to play in  life. I may reread Waking the Dead again. But I also believe, the simple pursuit of God, however He decides to take us (through books, counseling, friends, ect), will inevitably lead to an awakening of the heart.


“Patches of God-light”

heather“Patches of God-light.”

[a C.S. Lewis reference to God-given epiphany.  The kind of epiphany we artists sweat out our days for.]

Patch me in, please God.  I need light, it is my oxygen.  I need you or I live in dark places that are tight and stifling.  I want to wake with my day wide open, with inner warmth, and clarity of mind.  I want to wear my hair up, a badge of honor, because the day required many words sweated out for you.

I don’t do life anywhere near perfect.  I am not a tidy Christian, a lace and pearl wife, a famous friend, an artist extraordinaire.  I’m more fight than calm.  But I fight for truth and peace and freedom.  Because my world is at war.

In happy accident I find one, two, four and more who are fighting too for peace, for freedom, for truth.  I count them as friends, as comrades.

Truth comes like light.  Like patches of light.  And I soak it in through the photosynthesis of my soul.  The truth, the patches of light, are much softer than I ever imagined they would be, much kinder too.

Fill my days God, with your patches of light.


Write a little prayer and post it up!


As an artist I need to see the big picture.  What is all this for?  What is most important?  And at the moment those questions have led me to one single question.  Who am I?

The daughter of Harold and Patricia

Wife of Josh



Nature lover

None of these answers correctly answer the question.  Me is not where I come from or what I do.  Me, I am a child of God, cosmically and lovingly sown together by His all-encompassing hands.  My soul, my spirit, my essence is a singing work of art – stars, maple trees, blue of the ocean, breathlessness of the mountains strung together.  I am a beautifully unique being.

At my arrival on earth, much of the singing part of me was buried in the rubble of our world.  Because we are, all of us, born into a war.  It is unfair.  War breaks us before we even know what unbroken is.  This war is aimed at destroying humanity.  Aimed at destroying the very essence that makes us, the very tie that connects us to our God.

So the big picture.  In this war-torn world, I am born to remind humankind of Him.  Him who saves.  Him who redeems the unredeemable.  Him who loves us every-single-moment.  The war has made us forget many things like true love and the One who created true love to begin with.  And the war stops us, me, from doing the work of remembering.  It takes perspective and intentionality to borough out of the rubble and become a rememberer.

The question of who am I lends me great perspective.  It is the beginning point on the map.  It is the northern star pointing me to God.  And it is a compass reminding me to stay on track, to do the work I was called to do and not become obsessively driven by the everyday stresses and ‘responsibilities’.

What is standing in the way of me and my calling?  I’m embarrassed to list them.  Everything from simple grocery lists to deadly lies that eat out my core.  God help me, I want to live life in a way that challenges our worldly perspective.  I want to be a bright, clear, burning reminder of the Great Love.  I’m called to do this in many ways, but specifically through writing.

What is standing between you and your calling?  If you were to plan one day of living life the way you believe God was calling you to do, what would it look like?  I have a feeling that if I lived one day the way I believe God was asking me too it would be one of the most responsible, productive happy days of my life.  I’m going to be experimenting with this idea.  I’ll report back as I gather results.

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